


A Ruff Night

by ValdangeloMalec



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Batfamily, Humor, M/M, This Is STUPID, ignore the title i think I'm funny, probably?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 14:32:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValdangeloMalec/pseuds/ValdangeloMalec
Summary: The Justice League are in for a wild night when the batfamily turns up with Robin as a dog.





	A Ruff Night

**Author's Note:**

> I apparently wrote this ages ago and thought it was bad so i didn't post it, but i read it over again and think its just stupid enough to be funny, so here we are.

Bruce ignored all five phone calls and twelve text messages that came through during the Justice League meeting, finally deciding to turn it off when the incessant buzzing was driving him half-mad.

Anyone he was associated with who had any sense would know that if there was an emergency, to contact him at the watchtower rather than on his personal phone, so Bruce, naturally, didn’t worry.

Unfortunately, Bruce forgot that _some_ people he was associated with (his children) didn’t have any sense.

“ _B_!” Nightwing yelled, bursting through the door in full gear, interrupting Diana half way through a mission report. “ _Why didn’t you answer your phone?_ ”

Behind Nightwing stood Red Robin, Red Hood, and Black Bat, all decked out in their costume except for Jason, who had removed his hood, but left on his mask. Rather than focus on them, his gaze was drawn to Dick’s arms, which held a very grouchy looking black lab puppy.

“We had an incident,” Tim said, mouth fighting to stay straight while Jason was already sniggering into Tim’s hair.

“It’s not funny,” Dick snapped, frazzled, as the puppy began to growl lowly, shooting Jason and Tim a look that was far too human.

“Is that…” Superman said hesitantly, trailing off as Bruce finally stood up.

“It’s Robin,” Dick said miserably, and Tim and Cass finally lost it, joining Jason in his laughter. “The two of us were patrolling – there was some kind of witch, and you know Damian, he…”

“Was an insufferable piece of shit and got himself cursed,” Jason said helpfully. Dog-Damian gave a series of progressively angry barks as he couldn’t get across his no-doubt threats. All they achieved was setting Jason off again.

“What are we meant to _do_?” Dick wailed, and one of the JL members behind him hid a snigger in a cough. Bruce could hardly blame them – Dick was hardly acting like an adult.

“If you the two of you were patrolling, why are all of you here?” Bruce asked, gaze sweeping over his children.

“He’s a _dog_ ,” Cass said as if it explained everything, and Bruce supposed it did.

“I don’t see the problem,” Tim said when he managed to regain his composure. “He can’t talk this way – surely this is a blessing.”

“I’m pretty sure I’ve seen dog-sized Robin outfits,” Jason added.

“Dogs don’t live nearly as long as humans,” Tim continued to list and-

“Enough. He can’t stay as a dog,” Bruce said firmly, and Tim and Jason mercifully shut up, although made no move to keep their amusement under control, and Bruce turned to Dick.

“Did you apprehend whoever did this?” Dick shuffled slightly awkwardly.

“C’mon, B, he – he was turned into a _dog_. I was a little distracted.”

“Surely we don’t need the same magic user to turn him back,” Diana said, having abandoned her presentation to enjoy the show, like the rest of the league was doing. Barry had snacks. “You should take him to one of the magic users we know – a faster solution, I’m sure.”

“But it might wear off over night,” Cass said, seemingly innocent, but Bruce saw the quick smirk she shared with Jason. “We don’t want to put someone out if it’s a temporary thing.” Dog-Damian shot Cass a look of betrayal so at odds with his current appearance that Bruce had to hold back a smirk.

“Take him home and we’ll discuss it more there. Like you should have in the first place,” Bruce said meaningfully, eyeing Dick, who looked only slightly sheepish.

“But he’s a _dog_ ,” Dick muttered, looking mournfully down at the disgruntled Labrador in his arms.

“He’s a _dog_ ,” Tim muttered to Jason with a tinge of hysteria that Dick didn’t have.

“You should at least keep him here over night,” Clark said anxiously, seemingly taking Dick’s side on the seriousness of Damian’s… condition. “Just in case.”

Bruce agreed, if only to get his children away long enough to end the meeting, and they trailed off to another room to watch Damian until Bruce was finished.

“Ah, the tribulations of fatherhood,” Hal said with a shit-eating grin before they began the meeting. And Bruce, well, he could hardly disagree.

 

“I will _kill_ you, Todd,” Damian yelled the next day, waking up everyone who had deigned to sleep at the Watchtower – which, annoyingly enough, had been many of the League members who wished to watch Bruce’s suffering.

Bruce put on his mask and tracked them down to the kitchen, where Jason and Damian were wrestling each other as Tim watched on, sipping coffee tiredly as though he didn’t know he was next. Of the three of them, approximately none of them were wearing masks.

The rest of the League rushed in to see the dramatic conclusion to the fight – Jason pinning Damian to the ground by sitting on him – and Bruce took off his mask, knowing now that there was no point trying to keep his identity hidden.

“You’re _Bruce Wayne_?” Barry blurted out as he was first to the scene. “What the _fuck_.”

“Jason, get off your brother,” Bruce said in lieu of response as Damian spat out vile insults towards the man on top of him.

“And let him attack Tim? Never,” Jason said with such dramatics that Bruce almost felt sorry that the League had to witness the reality of Red Hood, who most of them knew only as a murderous vigilante.

“My hero,” Tim deadpanned, finishing his coffee and immediately pouring a second cup. “Let’s go. There’s nothing good for breakfast here.” And that was enough to get Jason up.

“Can we get pancakes?” Cass asked, startling Bruce, who was so focused on mourning his reputation within the Justice League that he hadn’t seen her or Dick come in.

“Sure. You coming, B?” Jason asked, ruffling Damian’s hair in a move that was risky at best, but didn’t get a response worse that Damian baring his teeth in the threat of a bite.

 

An hour later, and Bruce and his kids were in a pancake house with Diana, Clark, Arthur, Barry, and Hal, who had all insisted on coming along after Dick invited Clark.

“Uncle Supes,” Hal had repeated with a look of awe, then shutting up before he could be uninvited.

Tim had eaten a stack of pancakes faster than even Barry had managed and then fallen asleep immediately on Jason’s shoulder, Jason wrapping an arm around him and forcing those in the League to try and pretend like they weren’t looking at the two of them and sharing ‘what the hell aren’t they brothers’ looks.

Bruce, sipping his coffee and watching his family, couldn't help think that, as ridiculous as they were, there hadn't been a time where he was happier.

**Author's Note:**

> I know the ending is kinda abrupt but that's apparently where I left off when I wrote it a while ago, and I;m too tired to go back and fix it, but I might come back to it.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment if you want more bullshit like this!


End file.
